黃昏之戀 06

黃昏之戀 06

I woke in the small hours半夜, not remembering where I was. The girl still slept in a fetal 胎兒position, her back to me.

I had a vague 模糊feeling that I had sensed 覺察her getting up in the dark and had heard water running in the bathroom, but it might have been a dream.

This was something new for me. I was ignorant of 無知the arts of seduction誘拐 and always chosen my brides新娘 for a night at random隨便地, more for their price than their charms魅力, and we had made love without love, half dressed most of the time and always in the dark so we could imagine ourselves as better than we were.

That night I discovered the improbable 不可能的pleasure of contemplating 沉思the body of a sleeping woman without the urgencies 迫切of desire 慾望or the obstacles 阻礙of modesty 謙虛.

I got up at five, uneasy because my Sunday column 專欄was supposed 應該to be on the editor’s desk before noon.

I moved my punctual bowels內臟, still with the burning of the full moon, and when I pulled the chain I felt that my past rancors仇恨 had gone down to the sewer 陰溝.

When I returned to the bedroom, refreshed精神煥發 and dressed, the girl was asleep on her back in the conciliatory 調和的light of dawn, lying sideways斜躺 across the bed with her arms opened in a cross 易怒, absolute絕對 mistress 女人of her virginity貞潔.

God bless you, I said to her. All the money I still had, both hers and mine, I put on the pillow枕頭上, and I said goodbye forever with a kiss on her forehead前額.

The house, like all brothels 妓院at dawn, was the closest thing to paradise天堂.

I left by the orchard果園 gate 大門so I wouldn’t meet anyone. Under the burning sun on the street I began to feel the weight 重量of my ninety years, and to count計算 minute by minute the minutes of the nights I had left before I died.

雄伯曰：作者在九十歲生日，要給自己一個禮物，就是要跟青春少女狂戀wild love。他花大錢托妓女院老鴇找來一位十四歲處女，臨場卻是連誘拐的技巧都不會，只端坐床邊沉思少女沉沉入睡的姿態，然後將自己身上的錢全部放在枕頭下離開。像凱子一樣的行徑，反映出九十歲老年人的悲哀：人生無愛，空有錢財何益？生命已到達以分鐘計算的階段，還有什麼好執著？

黃昏之戀 05

黃昏之戀 05

There was no escape. I went into the room, my heart in confusion 混亂, and saw the girl sleeping in the enormous 巨大的bed for hire 租用, as naked 赤裸and helpless as the day she was born.

She lay on her side側躺, facing the door, illuminated照亮 from the ceiling 天花板by an intense強烈的 light that spared no detail 一覽無餘.

I sat down to contemplate 沉思her from the edge 邊緣of the bed, my five senses感官 under a spell 迷住.

She was dark and warm. She had been subjected to承受 a regimen 攝生法of hygiene 衛生and beautification 美容that did not overlook 忽略even the incipient 接受者down on her pubis 恥骨.

Her hair had been curled捲曲, and she wore natural polish 光亮on the nails 指甲of her fingers and toes腳趾頭, but her molasses糖漿-colored skin, looked rough粗糙 and mistreated 沒保養好.

Her newborn breasts 胸部still seemed like a boy’s, but they appeared full to bursting 爆開with a secret energy 能源that was ready to explode 爆炸.

The best part of her body were her large, silent-stepping 腳步輕盈 feet with toes as long as sensitive 敏感as fingers.

She was drenched浸泡 in phosphorescent 閃亮perspiration 汗水despite the fan 電風扇, and the heat became unbearable 無法忍受as the night progressed 進行.

It was impossible to imagine what her face was like under the paint 粉面applied with a heavy hand, the thick layer of rice powder粉撲 with two daubs 塗抹of rouge 胭脂on her cheeks, the false lashes睫毛, her eyebrows眉毛 and lids眼皮 smoky with kohl 化裝墨, her lips augmented 增強by a chocolate glaze 釉色 .

But the adornments 裝飾and cosmetics化裝品 could not hide her character特性: the haughty 高傲nose,, heavy eyebrows 眉毛, intense 強烈的lips. I thought: A tender 幼嫩 young fighting bull 小牛.

At eleven I tended to 照顧my routine例行的 procedures 程序in the bathroom, where the poor girl’s clothes were folded 摺疊on a chair with a rich girl’s refinement細膩: an etamine dress with a butterfly蝴蝶 print 花案, cheap yellow panties短內褲, and fiber 纖維sandals涼鞋.

On top of the clothing were an inexpensive bracelet 手鐲and a very fine chain with a medal 獎牌of the Virgin 聖母.

On the edge of the sink水槽, a handbag with a lipstick 口紅, a compact 盒of rouge胭脂, a key, and some looses 鬆散的coins. Everything so cheap and shabby襤褸 with use that I couldn’t imagine anyone as poor as she was.

I undressed 脫衣so as not to muss 弄髒the silk shirt襯衣and pressed熨燙 linen 亞麻西裝. I urinated 尿尿in the chain-flush 抽水toilet 馬桶, sitting down as Florina de Dios had taught me to do from the time I was a boy so I would not wet弄溼the rim 邊緣of the bowl 盆子, and still, modesty aside 除了謙恭外, with the immediate, steady 穩定stream 尿流of an untamed 未馴服的colt 小馬.

Before I went out I peered偷窺 into the mirror over the sink水嘈. The horse that looked back at me from the other side was not dead but funereal令人沮喪, and he had a Pope’s 教皇般dewlaps 垂肉, puffy 腫脹的eyelids, and thin, lank 不捲曲的hair that had once been my musician’s mane鬃毛 .

“ Shit,” I said to him, “ what can I do if you don’t love me?’

雄伯曰：這段性愛前上盥洗室的描述頗為詭異。他一方面將自己比喻為未馴服的小馬在尿尿，另一方面，走出盥洗室時窺視一下水槽上鏡中的自己，也是一頭馬從另一端觀看自己，雖然尚未死亡，但是令人沮喪。回想起自己年輕當音樂家時的馬鬃張揚般地意氣風發，不禁感歎：「若你不愛我，我能做些什麼？」他，你，我，實際上是內心告白的自言自語：「自己若不懂得愛自己？誰會來愛你？」

Trying not to wake her, I sat on the bed, naked, my eyes accustomed by now to the deceptions欺騙 of the red light, and I scrutinized審察 her inch by inch.

I ran the tip 尖端of my index finger 食指along the damp nape 頸項of her neck, and she shivered顫抖 inside, along the length of her body, like a chord 弦on the harp 豎琴, turned toward me with a grumble咕嚕, and enveloped 蓋住 me in the ambience 氣氛of her acid 酸性breath 呼吸.

I pinched捏著 her nose with my thumb 大姆指and index finger 食指, and she shook herself, moved her head away, and turned her back to me without waking.

I succumbed to 屈服於 an unforeseen 出乎意料temptation 誘惑and tried to separate 分開her legs with my knee.

On the first two attempts 企圖, she resisted 抗拒with tensed 緊密thighs大腿. I sang into her ear: Angels 天使surround 環繞the bed of Delgadina. She relaxed a little. A warm current 水流traveled up my veins 靜脈, and my slow, retired animal woke from its long sleep.

黃昏之戀 04

黃昏之戀 04

Memories of My Melancholy Whores
By Garbriel Garcia Marquez 馬奎士

A little before ten I climbed into a taxi and asked the driver to take me to the Cemnterio Universal 環球公墓so he wouldn’t know where I was really going.

Amused 感到興趣, he looked at me in the mirror 鏡子and said: Don’t scare 嚇到me like that, Don Scholar 教授學者, I hope God keeps me as alive as you are我希望上帝讓我像你一樣長壽。.

We get out together in front of the cemetery 公墓because he didn’t have change零錢 and we had to get some in la Thumba, a destitute 生意清淡tavern 酒店where the poor drunkards 醉漢of the small hours深夜 weep 哭泣for their dead.

When we had settled accounts結完帳目, the driver said to me in a serious 嚴肅voice: Be careful, Senor, Rosa Cabarcas’s house isn’t even a shadow of what it was 不復以前熱鬧.

All I could do was thank him, convinced相信, like everyone else, that there was no secret under the sun for the drivers on Paseo Colon 司機司空見慣，沒什麼好隱藏。

I walked into a poor district地區 that had nothing to do with one I had known in my day. It had the same wide streets of hot sand 熱沙, house with open doors, walls of rough 粗陋wooden planks 木板, roofs 屋頂of bitter 刺痛的palm棕櫚葉, and gravel 砂礫courtyards 庭院

But its people had lost their tranquility 寧靜.

In most of the houses there were wild Friday parties 宴會with drums 鼓and cymbals 鐃鈸that reverberated 迴響in your gut 內臟.

For fifty centavos 錢幣anybody could go into the party he liked best, but he could also stay outside and dance on the sidewalk to the music 配著音樂在人行道跳舞。.

I walked, worried the earth would swallow me up 將我吞沒in my dandy’s outfit浮華的服飾, but nobody paid attention to注意 me except for an emaciated 憔悴的 mulatto混血兒 who sat dozing打瞌睡 in the doorway of a tenement 公寓house.

“ Go with God, doctor,” he shouted with all his heart誠懇地, “ and happy fucking祝你幹得爽!”

What could I do but除了 thank him? I had to stop at least three times to catch my breath 喘氣before I reached the top of the last incline斜坡

雄伯曰：爬幾個斜坡，都要停下來喘氣三次，這樣的年紀跟體力，還想狂愛，真是不自量力！.

From there I saw the enormous 巨大的 copper 紅銅色moon coming up at the horizon 地平線, and an expected urgency 緊急 in the belly 腹部made me fearful of the outcome結果, but that passed soon enough.

At the end of the street, where the neighborhood turned into a forest of fruit trees, I went into Rosa Cabarcas’s shop.

She didn’t look the same. She had been the most discreet 考慮慎重的 madam 女人and for that same reason the best known, a very large woman whom we had wanted to crown 推崇 as a sergeant 隊長in the fire department 消防隊, as much for her corpulence 肥胖as for her efficiency 效率in putting out 撲滅fires among her clientele 客戶.

But solitude 孤獨had shrunk 變瘦her body, withered 乾枯her skin, and sharpened 使尖銳her voice with so much skill that she resembled 相像an aged 年老little girl.

All that was left 剩餘to her from the old days were her perfect teeth, along with one she had capped鑲嵌 with gold for coquettish 賣弄風情reasons.

She dressed in strict 嚴格mourning 悼傷 for the husband who had died after fifty years of a shared共同 life, added to which was a kind of black bonnet 帽子 for the death of her only child, who used to assist 幫助her in her illicit不合法 activities.

Only her clear, cruel 殘酷eyes were still animated 有活力, and because of them I realized her character 性格had not changed.

The shop had a dim模糊 light bulb 燈泡hanging from the ceiling天花板 and almost nothing for sale on the shelves 架上, which did not even serve as 充當a screen簾幕 for a notorious 惡名昭彰 business that everyone knew about but no one acknowledged 承認. Rosa Cabarcas was taking care of a client 客戶when I tiptoed in 躡足進入.

I don’t know if she really did not recognize 認出me or if she was pretending 假裝for the sake of appearances 為了外表緣故.

I sat on a bench 長椅子to wait while she finished up 完成, and in my memory I tried to reconstruct 重新建構her as she had been.

More than a few times, when both of us were strong and healthy, she had saved me from my own delusions 幻覺.

I think she read my mind 看出我的心思because she turned toward me and scrutinized審察 me with alarming令人驚嚇 intensity 熱烈 .

Time doesn’t go by for you, and she heaved 發出a mournful 感歎sigh 歎息.

I wanted to flatter恭維 her: it does for you, but it makes your better. I’m serious, she said, it’s even helped to revive 回想起your dead horse’s face 嚴肅的臉恐 a little.

It must be because I changed brothels妓院, I said to tease 揶揄 her. She became animated 有活力.

As I remember, you had the tool 工具of a galley slave 古時大帆船奴隸, she said.

How’s it behaving行為? I evaded逃避 the question; The only thing different since the last time we saw each other is that sometimes my ass hole 老二burns燙熱 . Her diagnosis 診斷was immediate: Lack of use 太久沒用. I have it only for the use God intended 意圖, I said, but it was true that it had burned for some time, always when the moon was full.

Rosa searched through her sewing縫紉kit 工具箱and opened a little tin 錫罐of green salve軟膏 that smelled of arnica山金菊 liniment 擦藥.

You tell the girl to rub 擦it in with her finger, like this , and she moved her index finger食指 with brazen 厚顏色eloquence 侃侃而談 .

I replied that thanks be to God I was still capable of getting along without peasant 農夫ointments 藥膏.

She mocked嘲諷 me, saying: Ah, Maestro, excuse me for living 原諒我三句不離本行. And she turned to business.

The girl had been in the room since then, she told me; she was beautiful, clean, and well-mannered 有禮貌, but dying of fear 非常害怕because a friend of hers who ran away with a stevedore碼頭工人 from Gayra had bled 流血to death in two hours.

But then, Rosa admitted承認, it’s understandable 可了解because the men from Gayra are famous for making she-mules 女生 sing.

And she returned to her subject:主題 Poor thing, besides all that she has to work the whole day attaching 裝配buttons 紐扣in a factory 工廠.

It didn’t seem to me like such hard work.

That’s what men think, she replied, but it’s worse than breaking rocks 岩石.

She went on to confess 坦承that she had given the girl a mixture 混合of bromide鎮定劑 and valerian 鎮定劑to drink, and now she was asleep

I was afraid her compassion 同情might be another trick詭計 to raise提高 the price, but no, she said, my word is as good as gold 遵守承諾不抬價.

With set rules明確規則: each thing requiring要求 separate分別payment付款, in cash and in advance預先. And so it was.

I followed her across the courtyard, moved by wrinkled 皺紋skin and the difficulty she had walking because of her swollen 腫脹legs, encased 套在in heavy cotton stockings 長襪.

The full moon was climbing to the middle of the sky and the world looked as if it were submerged潛沒 in green water.

Near the shop was canopy 頂篷made of palm 棕櫚樹for the wild revels狂歡活動 held by public administrators 公共行政人員, with a good number of leather stools 皮凳子, and hammocks 吊床hanging from the wooden columns 木柱子.

In the back courtyard, where the forest of fruit trees began, there was a gallery 陳列館of six unplastered 未塗灰泥adobe 泥磚 rooms with burlap 粗麻windows to keep out mosquitoes 蚊子.

The only one that was occupied 佔用had a dim模糊的 light and Tona la Negra singing a song of failed love失落的愛 on the radio.

Rosa Cabarcas sighed 嘆息: The bolero 波雷若舞曲is life. I agreed, but until today I haven’t dared write it.

雄伯曰：作者身為音樂評論家，既然同意，波雷若舞曲是生命，卻又迄今不敢寫舞曲，為什麼？顯然的，面對自己真實的生命需要勇氣，如同他以九十高齡卻狂戀青春少女需要勇氣，不敢跨出第一步，空有才華能力，徒增欷歔。

She pushed the door, went in for a moment, and came out again.

She’s still asleep, she said. You ought to let her rest for as long as her body needs it, your night is longer than hers.

I was bewildered 困惑: What do you think I should do? You ought to know, she said with unwarranted 沒來由的placidity沉著, there’s some reason you’re a scholar學者. She turned and left me alone with my terror 恐懼.

雄伯註
32hsiung@pchome.com.tw

黃昏之戀 03

Memories of My Melancholy Whores 03

At one time I thought these bed-inspired 因為床第之間行為所啟發的accounts 描述would serve as充當 a good foundation基礎for a narration 描述of the miseries 悲慘of misguided life 誤導的生活, and the title 題目came to me out of the blue突然地: Memories 回憶of My Melancholy憂鬱whore 妓女s.

My public 公共的life, on the other hand, was lacking 欠缺in interest: both parents dead, a bachelor單身漢 without a future, a mediocre 平庸journalist 新聞記者who had been a finalist參加決賽者 four times in the Poetic Competition 詩的競賽, the Juegos Florales, of Cartagena de Indias, and a favorite 愛好者of caricaturists卡通畫 because of my exemplary 作為榜樣的ugliness 醜陋 .

In short, a wasted life荒廢的生活 off to a bad start beginning on the afternoon my mother led me by the hand when I was nineteen years old to see El Diario de La Paz would publish a chronicle 編年史of school life that I had written in my Spanish and rhetoric 文法修辭 class.

It was published on Sunday with an encouraging introduction by the editor. Years later, when I learned that my mother had paid for its publication 出版and for the seven that followed, it was too late for me to be embarrassed, because my weekly column專欄 was flying on its own wings 聲名遠播and I was a cable editor 廣播編輯 and music critic as well 也是音樂批評家

After I obtained 得到my bachilerato 大學學位with a diploma 文憑ranked excellent 被列為優秀. I began teaching classes in Spanish and Latin at three different public secondary schools 中學 at the same time.

I was a poor teacher, with no training 訓練, no vocation 稟性, and no pity同情 at all for those poor children who attended school as the easiest way to escape the tyranny 暴政of their parents.

The only thing I could do for them was to keep them subject to承受 the terror 恐怖of my wooden 木製ruler 米達尺so that at least they would take away with them my favorite poem: O Fabio, O sorrow 悲傷, what you see now, these fields of desolation 荒涼, gloomy陰鬱的 hills 山, were once the famous fair 美麗Italica.

Only as an old man did I happen to learn the nasty 令人討厭的 name the students called me behind my back 背後: Professor Gloomy 陰鬱Hills 山.

This was all that life gave me, and I have never done anything to obtain 得到more. I ate lunch alone between classes, and at six in the evening I would go to the editorial offices 編輯室of the paper to hunt for 尋找signals 訊號from sidereal space 恆星空間

At eleven, when the edition 編輯closed, my real life began. I slept in the red-light 風化district 地區, the Barrio Chino, two or three times a week, and with such a variety of 各種companions 同伴that I was twice crowned client 最佳客戶of the year.

After supper at the nearby 附近Café Roma I would choose a brothel 妓女戶at random 隨意and slip in 偷溜進近through the back door.

I did this because it amused me 我覺有趣to, but in the end 最後it became part of my work thanks to the careless speech 不經意的談話of political bigwigs權貴之人 who would tell state secrets 政府的秘密to their lovers for the night, never thinking they were overheard 竊聽by public opinion 公共意見through the cardboard 木板partitions隔間.

By this means方法, of course, I also learned that they attributed 歸咎my inconsolable沒有慰藉的 bachelorhood 單身生活to a nocturnal 夜間pederasty 雞姦satisfied by orphan boys on the Calle del Crimen.

I had the good fortune 足夠幸運to forget this, among other sound 合理的reasons because I also heard the positive things讚賞 said about me, which I appreciated 感激for their true value.真正的價質

I never had intimate親密的 friends, and the few who came close are in New York. By which I mean they’re dead, because that’ where I suppose condemned souls受到責罰的靈魂 go in order not to endure承受 the truth of their past lives.

雄伯曰：馬奎士年輕時，跟一些親密好友在紐約大概曾有過荒誕生活，如今自己隱居鄉間，對往事頗有懺悔之意，故認為依舊逗留那裡的人為「受到責罰的靈魂」condemned souls.

Since my retirement 退休I have had little to do except take my pieces to the paper on Friday afternoons or fulfill 履行other obligations 義務that have a certain significance意義: concerts at Bellas Artes, painting exhibitions 展覽會at the Centro Artistico, of which I am a founding member 創立成員, an occasional 偶爾civic conference 公民會議at the Society for Public Improvement, or an important event 事件like Fabrega’s engagement 訂婚at the Teatro Apolo.

As a young man I would go to the open-air movie theaters露天電影院, where we could be surprised by a lunar eclipse 月蝕or by a case of double pneumonia 雙重肺炎from a downpour傾盆大雨 gone astray 迷失.

But what interested me more than films were the little birds of the night 夜晚流鶯who would go to bed with you for the price of a ticket 只花一張戲票的錢, or at no cost 不花錢, or on credit 賒欠.

Movies are not my genre 專才. The obscene cult 卑俗的信徒崇拜of Shirley Temple廟 was the final straw 最後終於使他無法忍受.

My only travels were four trips to the Juegos Florales in Cartagena de Indias, before I was thirty, and a bad night aboard 登上a motor launch 遊艇, when I was invited by Sacramento Montriel to the inauguration 開張典禮of one of her brothels 妓院in Santa Marta.

As for my domestic家居 life, I don’t eat very much and am easy to please. When Damiana grew old she stopped cooking 不再煮菜for me, and since then my only regular meal正規餐 has been a potato omelet 地瓜炒蛋at the Café Roma after the paper closes 報社下班後.

And so, on the eve 前夕of my ninetieth birthday, I had no lunch and could not concentrate 專心on reading as I waited to hear from Rosa Cabarcas.

The cicadas蟬 were chirruping 唧唧叫as loud as they could in the two-o’clock heat, and the sun’s journey 旅行past the open windows forced me to move the hammock吊床 three times.

It always seemed to me that my birthday fell at the hottest time of the year, and I had learned to tolerate容忍 it, but my mood 心情that day made this difficult.

My birthday fell on Sunday. 我的生日恰逢星期日。
My birthday fell at the hottest time of the year.我的生日恰是這一年最熱的一天。

At four o’clock I tried to calm 平靜my spirit with Johann Sebastian Bach’s six suites 巴哈的六套組曲for Unaccompanied Cello 沒有伴奏的大提琴in the definitive performance 最後演出 by Don Pablo Casals.

I consider them the most accomplished pieces 完美的曲子in all of music, but instead of soothing安慰 me as usual they left me使我陷於 in an even worse state 狀態of prostration 意志消沉.

I fell asleep during the second 秒, which I think lags緩慢過去 somewhat 相當, and in my sleep I confused混淆 the cello’ lament大提琴的哀傷聲 with that of a melancholy 憂鬱ship that was leaving.

雄伯曰：九十高齡的他對於死亡的逼近顯然預感強烈，不僅大提琴聲是哀傷，憂鬱船隻的離去，也象徵生命的死亡。

At almost the same time the telephone woke me, and the rusted生疏的 voice of Rosa Cabarcas brought me back to life.

You have a fool’s luck 傻人有傻福, she said. I found a little thing even better than what you wanted, but there’s one drawback缺點: she just turned fourteen.

I don’t mind changing diapers 換尿布, I said as a joke 開玩笑, not understanding her motives 動機.

I’m not worried about you, she said, but who’s going to pay me for three years in jail監獄?

Nobody was going to pay for them, she least of all尤其不會, of course. She harvested收穫 her crop 穀物among the minors 未成年人for sale 銷售in her shop, girls she broke in 培訓and squeezed dry 榨乾until they moved on to a worse life as graduate whores 老娼 in the historic brothel 妓院of Balck Eufemia.

She had never paid a fine, because her courtyard 妓院was the arcadia 世外桃源of local officialdom 當地官場, from the governor 州長to the lowest hanger-on 隨同in the mayor’s office 市長辦公室, and it was inconceivable無法想像 that the owner 主人would not have the power權力the break違反 the law to her heart’s content 心滿意足.

Which meant her last-minute scruples 顧慮were intended 用意only to derive奪取 profit 利潤from her favors 幫芒: the most punishable they were, they more expensive they would be 罰則越重，價碼越貴。.

The question was settled 解決with a two-peso increase in fees費用, and we agreed that at ten that night I would be at her house with five pesos 五披索in cash現金, payable in advance 預付.

Not a minute earlier , since the girl had to feed喂食 her younger brothers and sisters and put them to sleep and help her mother, crippled 癱瘓by rheumatism 風濕病, into bed.

There were four hours to wait. As they passed, my heart filled with an acidic酸鹼foam 泡沫 that interfered with 干擾 my breathing.

I made a useless effort to help time along with the procedures 程序of dressing.

Not surprising, of course, if even Damiana says I dress with all the rituals 典禮of a bishop 主教.

I shaved 刮鬍子with my barber’s straight 筆直的razor 刮鬍刀and had to wait until the water for the shower 淋浴cooled, because it had been heated 加熱in the pipes 管by the sun, and the simple effort of drying myself with the towel 毛巾made me sweat 流汗all over again.

I dressed in accordance with 配合the night’s good fortune好運; a white linen suit 亞麻西裝, a blue-striped藍色條紋 shirt with a collar 領帶stiffened 燙挺by starch 澱粉, a tie of Chinese silk, boots rejuvenated 光亮with zinc white 鋅白, and a watch of fine gold, its chain 鍊子fastened 繫緊at the buttonhole 紐扣洞on my lapel 衣領Then I folded摺疊 the trouser cuffs 翻邊 under so that no one would notice the inches I’ve shrunk 縮水.

I have a reputation 名聲as a miser 吝嗇鬼because no one can imagine I’m as poor as I am if I live where I live, but the truth is that a night like this was far beyond my means 超過我財富所能負擔.

From the money box hidden 藏under my bed I took out two pesos to rent 租the room, four for the owner, three for the girl, and five in reserve 保留for my supper and other minor expenses 零碎費用.

In other words, the fourteen pesos the paper pays me for a month of Sunday columns專欄.

I hid them in a secret pocket inside my waistband 腰帶, and I sprayed 噴香水on the Florida Water of Lanman & Kemp-Barclay &Co.

Then I felt the clawing鉗爪of panic驚慌, and at the first stroke 敲of eight I groped 摸索my way down the dark stairs黑暗的樓梯, sweating 流汗with fear, and went out into the radiant 燦爛night before my birthday.

The weather had cooled涼爽. On the Paseo Colon groups of men were arguing 爭論at the top of their voices about soccer 足球among the array of taxis成排的計程車 parked in the middle of the sidewalk人行道.

A brass band 銅管樂隊played a languid 無精打彩waltz 華爾滋under the alameda 林蔭大道of blossoming 花盛開matarraton trees.

One of the poor little whores who hunt solemn 嚴肅 clients 客戶on the Calle de los Notarios asked me for the usual cigarette, and I gave my usual answer Today it’s thirty-three years, two months, and seventeen days since I stopped smoking.

When I passed El alambre de Oro I glanced at 瞥見myself in the lighted 明亮的windows, and I didn’t look the way I felt but older, dressed in shabbier 不體面的clothes.

黃昏之戀 02

Memories of Melancholy Whores 02
黃昏之戀
By Gabriel Garcia Marquez 馬奎士

On my ninetieth birthday I woke, as always, at five in the morning. Since it was Friday, my only obligation 職責was to write the signed 簽約的column 專欄published on Sundays in El diarie de La Paz.

My symptoms 病掙at dawn were perfect for not feeling happy: my bones had been aching since the small hours深夜, my asshole 老二burned 疼燙 and thunder 雷鳴threatened 預示a storm after three months of drought旱災t.

I bathed 沐浴while the coffee was brewing 沖泡, drank a large cup sweetened 變甜with honey蜂蜜, had two pieces of cassava 樹薯bread , and put on 穿上the linen 麻布 coverall 工作服I wear in the house.

The subject 題目of that day’s column專欄, of course, was my ninetieth birthday. I never have thought about age as a leak 裂縫in the roof indicating 指示the quantity 數量of life one had left 剩餘to live.

When I was very young I heard someone say that when people die the lice蝨子 nesting 作巢in their hair escape in terror 恐懼地onto the pillows 枕頭, to the shame of the family 令家人羞愧.

To 表示結果，如to my amazement 令我驚訝to my joy 結果令我快樂to my annoyance 令我懊惱 to my embarrassment 令我尷尬

That was so harsh 嚴厲a warning 警告to me that I let my hair be shorn修剪 for school, and the few strands I have left 剩餘的幾根頭髮I still wash with the soap you would use on a grateful討人喜愛的 flea-bitten 被跳蚤咬的dog.

Shear/sheared/ shorn 修剪

This means, I tell myself now, that ever since I was little my sense of social decency處世的正當行為 has been more developed發展 than my sense of death 面對死亡之感覺.。

雄伯曰：馬奎士小時候上學理髮的理由，是唯恐死時頭髮上蝨子跳到枕頭，令家人蒙羞，可見他是多麼在乎世俗規範的眼光！而九十高齡的他卻狂戀青春少女，難道就不在乎家人難堪？揆馬奎士之意，人面對死亡時，感覺特別強烈，若還畏首畏尾，拘泥於世俗規範而正當行為，人何時才能為自己而活？人云亦云地遷就了九十年，難道還不夠嗎？

For months I had anticipated 預期that my birthday column 專欄would not be the usual lament 緬懷for the years that were gone過去的歲越, but just the opposite相反的: a glorification 推崇of old age老年.

I began by wondering when I had become aware of being old, and I believe it was only a short time before that day.

At the age of forty-two I had gone to see the doctor about a pain in my back that interfered with干擾 my breathing.

He attributed no importance to 不重視it: That kind of pain is natural at your age, he said.

“ In that case,” I said, “ what isn’t natural is my age.”

The doctor gave me a pitying 同情的smile. I see that you’re a philosopher, he said. It was the first time I thought about my age in terms 詞語of being old, but it didn’t take me long to forget about it.

I became accustomed to 習慣於waking every day with a different pain that kept changing location 位置and form 形式as the years passed.

At times it seemed to be the clawing 咬鉗of death, and the next day it would disappear.

This was when I heard that the first symptom 病徵of old age is when you begin to resemble 相像your father.

I must be condemned 注定to eternal youth 永遠的青春, I thought, because my equine profile俊馬般雄姿英發 will never look like my father’s raw 粗鄙的Caribbean features 容貌or my mother’s imperial 帝國Roman ones 容貌.

The truth is that the first changes are so slow they pass almost unnoticed 未受注意, and you go on seeing yourself as you always were, from the inside, but others observe 觀察you from the outside.

雄伯曰：我們看自己是從內在，from the inside以為是永遠青春，但是別人看我們是從外在from the outside，衰老的跡象處處可見，不僅是白髮增多而已。別人礙於禮貌，不敢明說，你還真以為自己永遠不老！

In my fifth decade 五十歲I had begun to imagine what old age was like when I noticed the first lapses 失誤 of memory.

I would turn the house upside down 裡裡外外looking for my glasses眼鏡 until I discovered that I had them on戴著, or I’d wear them into the shower淋浴, or I’d put on reading glasses 閱讀的眼鏡over the ones眼鏡 I used for distance 看遠的眼鏡.

One day I had breakfast twice because I forgot about the first time, and I learned to recognize the alarm 驚嚇in my friends when they didn’t have the courage勇氣 to tell me I was recounting 敘述the same story I had told them a week earlier.

By then I had a mental list 心裡列個名單of faces I knew and another list of the names that went with each one, but at the moment of greeting I見面招呼 didn’t always succeed in matching the faces to the names 將臉孔跟名子相配.

My sexual age 性能力的年齡never worried me because my powers 力量did not depend so much on me as on women, and they know the how and the why when they want to.

Today I laugh at the eighty-year-old youngsters 八十歲的年輕人who consult 請教the doctor, alarmed驚嚇到 by these sudden shocks 震驚, not knowing that in your nineties they’re worse but don’t matter anymore; they are the risks 冒險of being alive.

On the other hand, it is a triumph 勝利of life that old people lose their memories of inessential非必要 things, though memory does not often fail with regard to 關於things that are of real interest to us.

Cicero illustrated說明 this with the stroke of a pen 用其筆觸: No old man forgets where he has hidden 隱藏his treasure 財寶.

With these reflections反省, and several others, I had finished a first draft草稿 of my column 專欄when the August sun exploded 瀰漫 among the almond杏樹 trees in the park, and the riverboat 運輸船that carried the mail, a week late because of the drought旱災, came bellowing 隆隆而來into the port canal 港灣的渠道.

I thought: My ninetieth birthday is arriving. I’ll never know why, and don’t pretend 假裝to, but it was under the magical魔術般 effect 影響of that devastating 致命的evocation 召喚that I decided to call Rosa Cabarcas for help in celebrating my birthday with a libertine 放蕩者的night.

I’d spent years at holy peace 維持聖潔的平靜with my body, devoting my time to the erratic狂熱地 rereading of my classics 古典and to my private programs 私人的喜愛of concert music, but my desire that day was so urgent緊急 it seemed like a message 訊息from god.

After the call I couldn’t go on writing. I hung the hammock i吊床n a corner of the library where the sun doesn’t shine in the morning, and I lay down in it, my chest 胸膛heavy with the anxiety of waiting 因等待的焦慮而沉重.

I had been a pampered 嬌生慣養 child, with a mother of many talents 天份who died of consumption 肺炎at the age of fifty and a formalistic 形式主義的father who never acknowledged 承認an error 錯誤and died in his widower’s bed 鰥夫的床上on the day the Treaty of Neerlandia 尼蘭地條約was signed簽定, putting an end to結束 the War of the Thousand Days and the countless無數 civil wars 內戰of the previous century 前一世紀.

Peace changed the city in a way that had not been foreseen 預見 or desired 渴望. A crowd 群of free women解放的女人 enriched to the point of delirium the old taverns 光顧酒店，使酒店發大財到狂喜程度along Calle Anche, which later was known as Camellon Abello, and now is called Paseo Colon, in this city of my soul loved so much by both natives 原居民and outsiders 外來客for the good character 善良特性of its people and the purity 柔和 of its light 光線.

I have never gone to bed with a woman I didn’t pay, and the few who weren’t in the profession 非妓女行業I persuaded勸說, by argument or by force半說服半強迫, to take money even if 即使they threw it in the trash 垃圾箱.

When I was twenty I began to keep a record 記錄listing 列出 name, age, place, and a brief notation 注釋on the circumstances 情況and style 風格of lovemaking.

By the time I was fifty there were 514 women with whom I had been at least once 有過一夜情.

I stopped making the list when my body no longer allowed me to have so many and I could keep track of 記錄them without paper.

I had my own ethics 倫理學. I never took part in orgies 狂歡會or in public encounters 公開的約會, and I did not share 分享secrets秘密 or recount描述 an adventure 豔遇of the body or the soul, because from the time I was young I realized that none goes unpunished每次秘密外洩，總是受到懲罰。

The only unusual 不尋常的relationship 關係was the one I maintained維持 for years with the faithful 忠實的Damiana. She was almost a girl, Indian-like, strong, rustic質樸, her words few and brusque 寡言直率, who went barefoot 打赤腳so as not to disturb 擾亂me while I was writing. I remember I was reading La Lozana andaluza—The Huughty Andalusian Girl—in the hammock吊床 in the hallway 廊道, when I happened to see her bending 彎身over in the laundry洗衣室 room wearing a skirt 裙子so short it bared 不暴露her succulent 豐滿的curves 曲線.

Overcome 壓倒by irresistible 不可抗拒 excitement 興奮, I pulled her skirt 裙子up in back, pulled her underwear 內褲down to her knees 膝蓋, and charged 攻擊her from behind 背後.

Oh, Senor 先生, she said, with a mournful悲切 lament哀鳴, that wasn’t made for coming in but for going out 前後方向搞錯了.

A profound 深深的tremor 震撼 shook her body but she stood firm 堅定地站住.

Humiliated at having humiliated her 羞辱她而後覺得自己受羞辱, I wanted to pay her twice what the most expensive women cost 花費at the time, but she would not take a cent 一分錢都不拿, and I had to raise提高 her salary 薪資calculated計算 on the basis of one mounting 增加a month, always while she was doing the laundry洗衣, and always from the back.

雄伯註
32hsiung@pchome.com.tw

黃昏之戀 01

Memories 回憶of my Melancholy 憂鬱的Whores 妓女

The year I turned ninety 到達九十歲, I wanted to give myself the gift of a night of wild love with an adolescent 青春期virgin 處女.

I thought of Rosa Cabarcas, the owner of an illicit不合法經營house who would inform her good clients when she had a new girl available.

I never succumbed to 屈服於that or to any of her many other lewd淫慾 temptations, but she did not believe in the purity 純淨of my principles

Morality道德, too, is a question of time, she would say with a malevolent 惡意的smile, you’ll see.

She was a little younger than I, and I hadn’t heard anything about her for so many years that she very well might have died 很有可能已經死了。.

But after the first ring鈴響I recognized the voice on the phone, and with no preambles 前奏I fired 激動地說at her:

“ Today’s the day.”

She sighed: Ah, my sad scholar, you disappear for twenty years and come back only to ask for the impossible.

She regained mastery of her art 恢復鎮定自持at once and offered me half a dozen delectable甜美的 options 選擇, but all of them, to be frank, were used.

I said no, insisting the girl had to be a virgin處女and available that very night.

She asked in alarm 驚嚇地: What are you trying to prove?

Nothing, I replied, wounded to the core自尊心深受冒犯, I know very well what I can and cannot do.

Unmoved 不受影響地, she said that scholars may know it all, but they don’t know everything: The only Virgos 純潔之人left in the world are people like you who were born in August. Why didn’t you give me more time?

Inspiration gives no warnings 靈感要來，沒有預警, I said.

But perhaps it can wait, she said, always more knowledgeable than any man, and she asked for just two days to make a thorough 澈底investigation 調查of the market.

I replied in all seriousness非常認真地 that in an affair such as this, at my age, each hour is like a year.

Then it can’t be done, she said without the slightest doubt 沒有絲好懷疑, but it doesn’t matter, it’s more exciting this way, what the hell無論如何, I’ll call you in an hour.

I don’t have to say so because people can see it from leagues away 從幾里拉遠的距離: I’m ugly, shy, and anachronistic 過時的. But by dint of 憑藉著not wanting to be those things, I have pretended to be just the opposite.醜陋、害羞、過時的相反

Until today, when I have resolved 決心to tell of my own free will出於自由意志 just what I’m like我是怎樣一個人, if 即使only to ease 平息 my conscience 良心.

I have begun with my unusual call不尋常的電話 to Rosa Cabarcas because, ( when it was ) seen from the vantage 優勢的point of today, that was the beginning of a new life找處女象徵新生活的開始 at an age when most mortals 人have already died.（在九十歲高齡，其他同年齡的人都已經死了。）

I lived in a colonial 殖民時期的house, on the sunny side of San Nicolas park, where I have spent all the days of my life without wife or fortune 財富, where my parents lived and died, and where I have proposed 建議to die alone, in the same bed in which I was born and on a day that I hope will be distant and painless.希望死的日子遙遠而沒有痛苦。

My father bought the house at public auction拍賣 at the end of the nineteenth century, rented the ground floor 底樓for luxury shops to a consortium 公司of Italians, and reserved 保留for himself the second floor, where he would live in happiness with one of their daughters, Florina de Dios Cargamantos, a notable 著名interpreter 解說員of Mozart, a multilingual 通曉多國語言Garibaldian, and the most beautiful and talented 有天份的woman who ever lived in the city: my mother.

The house is spacious 寬敞 and bright, with stucco 灰泥的arches 拱門and floors tiled 瓷磚in Florentine mosaics 馬賽克, and four glass door leading to a wraparound 延伸到兩端balcony 陽台where my mother would sit 過去常常on March nights to sing love arias 抒情曲 with other girls, her cousins.

From there you can see San Nicolas Park, the cathedral 大教堂, and the statue 雕像of Christopher Columbus, and beyond that the warehouses 倉庫on the river wharf 碼頭and the vast 廣大 horizon 地平線 of the Great Magdalenga River twenty leagues 海哩distant 遠from its estuary 支流.

The only unpleasant aspect 方面of the house is that the sun keeps changing windows in the course of the day, and all of them have to be closed when you try to take a siesta 午睡in the torrid 炎熱的half-light.微光

When I was left on my own獨立自主, at the age of thirty-two, I moved into what had been my parents’ bedroom, opened a doorway between that room and the library, and began to auction off 拍賣whatever I didn’t need to live, which turned out to be almost everything but the books and the Pianola rolls.麵包

For forty years I was the cable editor 電報編輯at El Diaria de La Paz, which meant reconstructing 重建and completing in indigenous 原住民prose 文字the news of the world that we caught as it flew through sidereal space 恆星空間on shortwaves短波 or in Morse code 摩斯電報電碼.

Today I scrape by 勉以渡日on my pension 退休金from that extinct 已經絕跡profession行業, get by 過日子even less on the one I receive for having taught Spanish and Latin grammar, earn almost nothing from the Sunday column 專欄I’ve written without flagging沒有中斷地 for more than half a century, and nothing at all from the music and theater pieces 文章published as favor 恩賜 to me on the many occasions場合 when notable 著名performers 表演者come to town.

I have never done anything except write, but I don’t possess 擁有the vocation 職業or talents of a narrator 敘述者, have no knowledge at all of the laws of dramatic composition 生花妙筆, and if I have embarked upon 從事this enterprise 行業it is because I trust in the light光輝 shed 顯露by how much I have read in my life.

In plain 通俗的language, I am the end of a line空無所有, without merit 優點or brilliance 傑出, who would have nothing to leave his descendants 後代 if not for the events 事件I am prepared to recount 描述, to the best of my ability, in these memories of my great love.

雄伯曰：馬奎士以九十歲高齡跟青春少女狂戀wild love，非但不以為是荒唐，反而認為是他一生僅有的偉大的愛great love，足以傳諸後代子孫leave his descendants 。欲知他如何自圓其說，請聽下回分解。