黃昏之戀 06

黃昏之戀 06

I woke in the small hours半夜, not remembering where I was. The girl still slept in a fetal 胎兒position, her back to me.

I had a vague 模糊feeling that I had sensed 覺察her getting up in the dark and had heard water running in the bathroom, but it might have been a dream.

This was something new for me. I was ignorant of 無知the arts of seduction誘拐 and always chosen my brides新娘 for a night at random隨便地, more for their price than their charms魅力, and we had made love without love, half dressed most of the time and always in the dark so we could imagine ourselves as better than we were.

That night I discovered the improbable 不可能的pleasure of contemplating 沉思the body of a sleeping woman without the urgencies 迫切of desire 慾望or the obstacles 阻礙of modesty 謙虛.

I got up at five, uneasy because my Sunday column 專欄was supposed 應該to be on the editor’s desk before noon.

I moved my punctual bowels內臟, still with the burning of the full moon, and when I pulled the chain I felt that my past rancors仇恨 had gone down to the sewer 陰溝.

When I returned to the bedroom, refreshed精神煥發 and dressed, the girl was asleep on her back in the conciliatory 調和的light of dawn, lying sideways斜躺 across the bed with her arms opened in a cross 易怒, absolute絕對 mistress 女人of her virginity貞潔.

God bless you, I said to her. All the money I still had, both hers and mine, I put on the pillow枕頭上, and I said goodbye forever with a kiss on her forehead前額.

The house, like all brothels 妓院at dawn, was the closest thing to paradise天堂.

I left by the orchard果園 gate 大門so I wouldn’t meet anyone. Under the burning sun on the street I began to feel the weight 重量of my ninety years, and to count計算 minute by minute the minutes of the nights I had left before I died.

雄伯曰:作者在九十歲生日,要給自己一個禮物,就是要跟青春少女狂戀wild love。他花大錢托妓女院老鴇找來一位十四歲處女,臨場卻是連誘拐的技巧都不會,只端坐床邊沉思少女沉沉入睡的姿態,然後將自己身上的錢全部放在枕頭下離開。像凱子一樣的行徑,反映出九十歲老年人的悲哀:人生無愛,空有錢財何益?生命已到達以分鐘計算的階段,還有什麼好執著?

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